I was overjoyed with all the somersaults my heart did when I met you. But I could see the melancholy that is yet to follow. It was all love that dominated us. But never did I think that love can turn everything upside down. A small mistake in love or the deepest intimacy can topple everything upside down. I always wanted to have a baby and I could feel the excitement within on the mere thought of being a mother. But this time the story was different. I could sense changes in my body, I could feel the hormones act awkward but it was all love to be blamed. I could sense a life inside me and I was in a dilemma whether to be excited about being a mother (a feeling I always wanted to experience with joy) or to cry my heart out. But I knew the excitement won’t have a longer life as there were people involved. I showed him the two pink lines and tears started streaming down my cheeks. And for the first time since we met words paved way for silence. We both knew what is to be done but didn’t dare to utter a word. After an hour of silence he started to convince me of the only possibility left. I held myself together, clinging my belly, in a vain attempt to protect my baby. My brain clearly knew what is going to follow. Again and again I googled to know how my baby will look like and I mourned like I have never done. I know from the moment I decided to hurt my baby it’s my lifetime peace that I compromised on. But I was helpless as there were many people involved and if I decide otherwise there will be imbalance in many lives. And yes, finally I made myself numb so that I could proceed with maintaining everybody else’s peace and forfeit my peace forever. One thing my love, when you denied me my motherhood I was giving you the chance to enjoy your fatherhood. Now, every time I look at your baby or get to hold her or when she cuddles me, I get reminded, the bundle of joy in your hand is the life you tore apart from me. My baby, not a single day passes by without your thought. Forgive me my child for taking birth in this unlucky mother’s womb and I promise if given a second chance to be a mother I want you to be my child and I will never let anything or anybody hurt you.
P.S. Being a nurse moreover a dedicated friend I am obliged to listen to many stories and this one shattered me.